What To Do When You Are Mad At God

I had the week from hell last week. It was a series of unfortunate events that started with my kitten, unexpectedly and quite dramatically, passing away and ended with pink eye, a stomach bug, and a cell phone that eerily resembled one of those mosaics at the Corning Glass Museum. Each day was a cautious wake up hoping nothing crazy awful happened while I was sleeping. I’ll be perfectly honest to say that I spent the week being super pissed at The Universe, God, whatever your label is for that super awesome creator in the sky. I was tantruming like a 2-year-old. I'm talking stomp my feet, cross my arms, and I’m-not-even-going-to-look-at-you kind of angry.

Instead of praying or setting my intentions, I felt this pressure on my chest that was distrustful and anxious. I didn’t sign up for this. This was not a reflection of my karma or vibration. In fact, prior to this, I was doing quite well. This week tore me a new one, metaphorically speaking. I felt like I was suspended in the air waiting for someone to come along and cut the strings, plummeting me to the pavement, which is not in the least dramatic.

I ran, I meditated, but honestly, I was just going through the motions of trying to feel better and absolutely nothing was hitting my core. I even planned a weekend with friends full of fun events, but I wasn’t present for most of it. There was just this internal space that was full of anxiety, anger, and sadness.

I don’t wear bitter well. It’s not a cute look for me. I look better in brighter emotions with polka dots or some ridiculous pattern across them.

So, as someone who lives, breathes, and works in a spiritual lifestyle, here’s how I reconnected after being totally mad at God:

1. Get back to the Basics.

If we take a good look at Maslow’s Hierarchy, sometimes to build up the pyramid you have to make sure you are doing the bare minimum which includes checking in with your physical self. Are you eating? Sleeping? Showering? It sounds basic but we can’t really move up the ladder to the emotional level if we are dragging our non-energized body across the carpet due to lack of eating or sleeping. In times of distress we tend to not eat, barely sleep, and sometimes skip those quintessential pieces that make or break our mental sanity.  Make sure you are fueling your body with high vibe stuff, greens, fruits, stuff with color. 

2. Let it out. Cry it out.

Anger is probably my least experienced emotion. I’m very rarely angry and I’m very rarely anxious so being full of those two emotions was a shock to my system. The trick to dealing with these terrible emotions is to honor wherever you are at. Honor whatever emotions show up for you. Write out how pissed you are. Write out how hurt you are. Sing one of those angry death metal songs really loudly in your car. Sit with a bowl of cookie dough ice cream and watch that damn Nicholas Sparks movie for the 90th time, until your life is covered in salted tears and snot. Whatever letting it out looks like for you, get the junk out of your trunk. Fun fact: In some cultures they do something known as “face holes” where they dig a hole in the ground, put their face in there and scream as loud as they possibly can. They release what’s necessary and burry the energy in the ground. 

3. Chase the feeling.

Practice the emotion you would rather feel. My desired feeling was to not feel like shit. Ok, I’ll be more specific. I wanted the funkadelic energy that was engulfing me like a Venus fly trap to disappear. Do small things that make you feel just a little bit better. I’m a firm believer that to feel good, you should look good. Sweatpants make me feel like, well, like I’m wearing sweatpants. Like I’m lazy, like I haven’t moved from bed on a Sunday afternoon. They do not inspire motivation. Get dolled up, take an extra few minutes to curl your hair, wear the pearls, buy that stupidly expensive eyeshadow pallet you’ve had your eye on. Play the game called “what would I do right now if things were going my way?” Book a trip to out of town for the weekend. Buy those darn concert tickets. Whatever it is that gets you just little more excited that you are alive. 

4. Don’t hate. Meditate.

If you have done a good job at the basics you are ready to start that spiritual connection back up. Meditation is the key! You might have to switch up your meditative practice to a guided visualization so that you can distract your thinking enough to find neutrality. Meditation gives our brain a rest. Hard times bring lots of unhealthy thinking patterns, surface fears and insecurities, and in general cause an unnecessary amount of stress on our physical bodies. The more we fixate in these thought structures the more amplified the thoughts and feelings become. Meditation allows your mood and vibration to settle in a neutral energy. It gives the brain time to rest, heal, and reconnect in healthy ways. It lowers blood pressure and improves the quality of sleep. Believe it or not, 20 minutes of meditation can act as a low dose antidepressant. I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet to always reroute to meditation.

5. Pray harder.

I struggled with the “why” of my cat passing and the “why” of my one thing after another craptastic week. I didn’t even really want to pray because it felt clear to me that no one was listening. Instead of completely calling it quits, I took some time to call in every angel I could think of and surrendered trying to control and understand my crappy week. I asked for a change in perception. I asked to remove fears and release anger. I used mala beads to reiterate my intentions. I checked in with my thoughts and decided which ones felt better. Sometimes the why doesn’t make sense until later. I’m still waiting on any of this to make sense. Allowing Spirit to show up for you after things don't go your way can be a challenge. But keep your eyes open. They are around, they are always around. They are showing you signs and gently guiding you even when its super dark and nothing looks like what you signed up for. 

Feeling better is never quite linear so don’t be hard on yourself if you start to feel a little better then slide backward a little. Pick and choose the things that make sense to you. And always most importantly, remember that you are made of stardust and all things wonderful, you have little bits of universe inside of you, and the power to create a life that doesn’t suck. You are an extension of God and that’s a pretty amazing thing in itself.