A Lesson in Change and Letting Go

I was listening to an audiobook on my drive to work, because well, I’m a nerd like that, and it was talking a lot about change. Mike Dooley, popular for his writings on manifestation, was whispering sweet reminders of my divinity when he explained that change occurs with or without our consent. When our ever-growing expansion reaches a place where things need to change to fully hold who you’ve become (good or bad) that chaos often ensues.

So as I arrived at my office and turned it off without completely getting to the next part where he explains how we fix it or deal with it– I realized how much I hate change.  I like things to stay the same and for people to stay predictable.

I explored it a little further of what exactly it is that I hate so much about change. For me, it’s simple. I’m deathly afraid that whatever it is, will leave this empty dooming hole in my chest - open, raw, and aching for something to fill it. Melodramatic much? Yeah well, I’m not the only one who thinks change absolutely blows. You will find numerous books about it. Books about letting go, grieving, moving on, moving forward, getting “unstuck” ..its all there in black and white that I’m not the only Cancerian clinging to my stubborn emotional attachments.

But seriously, why do we need change?
As much as I hate to admit it …Change is good. So so so Good!
Not at first. Its after the part where you feel like your life is falling apart that you fall into a state of “Oh Thank Goodness”. If you haven’t reached that point, it’s coming. I promise. But the secret is - you have to let it come, you have to ALLOW it to come. Change comes after contrast, and as the VORTEX by Jerry and Esther Hicks explains that contrast is completely necessary to help us redefine what we want vs. what we don’t want in life. Contrast is vital to help us uncover what works for us currently and for our ever-expanding souls.

Here’s where we get stuck. We stare at the door that is not only closed, but locked, sealed, and shut so freaking tight that you couldn’t open it if you hired that one guy who is infamous for unlocking any door ever. If such a guy exists. Which he doesn’t because honey – ain’t nobody going to get that door open. It is shut, closed, and is unconsciously or consciously acting as your contrast for your future. We cry, we obsess, we mourn over losses of jobs, people, places, and things. We play the scenario repeatedly saying something different, attempting to feel something different. We get lost in wishing and hoping for what we had meanwhile hating and regretting every piece of what comes next.

We stop enjoying life. You hear that? You’re wasting time.

So how the hell do I learn to embrace this change? To honor this contrast?

1. See the lesson. Everything good and bad that happens in our life is a lesson. Being able to see the reason behind some of the things that occur can change our outcome and feelings about the situation as well as help us expand and grow. It can also help us to not repeat the lesson in the future. Need help? Take a long gander back to times you thought the carpet was being ripped out from under you. What did you learn about yourself, others? Did it lead to something else? Look for the silver lining, the small positive. Even if it looks like "well it ripped my heart apart and I'm still breathing. I'm still here."
2. See the contrast. What happened in this situation that you didn’t like? How do you restructure it to know what you actually would like? (Yes, time to stop settling for less than what you actually want) Example: “My ex boyfriend just stopped talking to me and started dating someone else!” How about we redirect your focus and energy on finding a guy who is healthy, happy, honest, loving, caring AND an excellent communicator? Go ahead, manifest it - I dare you!
3. Bring the energy back to yourself. Fighting change and practicing resistance is exhausting to say the least. Take this in between time for self growth! Read everything you can get your hands on. Write a ton, about everything, about life, about love, about yourself, about your personal theories. Get to REALLY know you. Take that ceramics class that you haven't had time for and make a bunch of ceramic bowls for everyone for Christmas, even if its lopsided just consider yourself an edgy artist (See you are already totally on your way to winning). 
4. Take things less personally. For me, I take the things that “happen to me” (when I’m playing the victim) and find what might possibly be so wrong with me that I made them occur. Was it the way I talked? Did I say too much? Not enough? Chances are whatever this change was barely concerned me and I would place money on it that yours barely concerns you. People change for whatever reason they change. Maybe its because their dog died in the fourth grade and you have that same exact dog and they can’t be around you because they can't stop crying when they leave thinking of their dead dog Misty(based on a true story). Maybe you didn’t get that job because the candidate they hired was a friend of the family (and probably a huge mistake). Try to look at the WHOLE picture instead of just picking apart your perceived weaknesses.
5. Find your real support system.  Even though there are times that we feel like it - we aren't doing this thing called life solo. Check in with your supports. Change is usually a time where people begin to weed away and often, new people enter. Check and see who honors you no matter what choices you make. Network and make new friends. Check and see not just how people feel about YOU, but how YOU feel about them. You make the decision of who you want in your life during these times. No one but you. Also, keep around people who aren't afraid to tell you, you are wrong. Keep the people who make you laugh and the people who just flat out listen

 

So embrace change. Let go. Fly free. Take the contrast to decide what you actually DO want. Learn from it and we can both stop being afraid together. Good things come to those who choose to make the move forward.